Kicking butt in the gym...

Well I know I'm going to weigh in thursday morning and be shocked at the amount of weight loss.  I believe this weigh in will be the biggest yet.  I layed off the weights till after the weigh in.  Just been doing nothing but cardio!  I did a 5 mile cardio last night on the stationary bike ~ that's probably my favorite piece of equipment in the gym. 

I did my Zumba tonight and the instructor added a couple of new songs.  One in particular was so cool, it had us doing jab's in it ~ talk about fun!  Each time I go into the Zumba class, I'm even more excited about doing it.  It was really neat to change up the routine tonight!

I haven't been logging a food journal, but really watching what I'm eating even closer.  I have increased my water alot this week.  Every time anyone sees me I'm holding a bottle of water!  I also have been choosing more veggies over fruit.  I still am eating fruit, just not as much.  Physically my endurance has gotten so much better.  I only had to stop once for a about a minute in Zumba tonight, as opposed to 5 times before.  I'm thinking about trying a new class that is an hour before a zumba class next tuesday.  It is called sculpt & tone.  It is suppose to really help tone your body and help u loose inches.  I'm just concerned about doing it back to back with my Zumba.  I'll be sure and let u know If I try it.

Well I'm wore out and my lower back is killing me!  I'm off to take a hot shower and get ready for bed.

Finding the Inner Eye of The Tiger

I find it hard at times to fight the old ways that got me to the 291 pounds.  I was a stress eater and would turn to food for comfort instead of anything else.  I let some situations affect me so greatly at times, that I literally feel like I'm going to get physically ill or like I have a really bad ulcer in my stomach.  I have never liked hurting people's feelings, especially people I consider near and dear to my heart.  When I was younger especially, but even now I fight the overpowering guilt of wanting to be a people pleaser, even at the cost of loosing myself.  I cannot fall trap to that thinking.  I have to love people and pray for them, but I can't just let that overpower me to where it is harmful to the healthy person I am becoming.

One of the hardest things for me through this healthy journey to finding me, is reprogramming  a healthy mind.  I am a very tender hearted person.  Other's don't always see that side of me, because I don't like showing my vulnerability.  I know in some ways that is a good quality, and I don't want to go to the extreme of being hard hearted either.  I just have to find the balance of NOT allowing bumps in the road to get me back to that emotionally crippled place I once was.

Part of my character that has been changing for the positive is learning to trust others and NOT allowing myself to self sabotage when I feel threatened.  I'm so scared of being rejected and hurt that I sometimes want to say " Oh no I'm putting a wall up and NO one is getting in".  I sometimes feel it best to NOT be hurt at all, rather than take the chance, trust and be hurt one more time.  Sometimes the pain just doesn't seem worth it to me.  I can't be responsible for others actions or lack thereof.

When I start feeling overwhelmed and not able to process a situation, the 1st thing I want to do is go to the gym and get a workout!  My 1st thought before May 12th, would have been to go to the kitchen and just see what I could down the quickest and what was the most unhealthy to ingest.  That is one aspect that has changed for the better on this journey.  I do NOT want to turn to food for comfort any longer.  I still find it extremely hard though to turn to a person for comfort.  I do have many genuine friends that I know are there any time I need them, but I can't bring myself to reach out to any of them in these type of moments.  I can't really say why, and that is something I'm really trying to figure out.  I guess 1 thing is I always feel like I need to be super woman and not show, that in so many ways, I'm really just a weak human, trying to make the best out of the life I've been given.  I'm crying deeply as I type these words.  It is so hard to admit your faults, especially when u have no idea how to fix them or truly what makes u feel the way u do.

I refuse to be one of the stories that someone has lost all their weight, just to gain it all back, due to not learning to deal with things emotionally in a healthy way.  I will find my inner eye of the tiger and push through the hard times.  I will be a success story!  I will find the inner strength that doesn't come from me, but Christ!
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Major Bummer

Well this picture shows exactly how I feel!  I had my weigh in today and much to my disappointment gained a pound.  I was so ready to cry on the scale.  Especially as I began to think of all the hard work I've put in the gym.  The whole purpose of going every other week to weigh in, instead of weekly was to not be disappointed.  Well I definetly proved today on the scale not to go by that anymore.

I've had to take a step back and closely analyze just what I need to tweek to get on the track of loosing more weight.  I have NOT come this far to let this be a stumbling block!  After thinking about how I've been eating and how much water intake I'm getting, I've realized I need to make some changes!  I haven't been getting the water amount a day I need, and I have struggled getting the calories in a day I should have.  I also haven't been eating near the fruits and veggies in a day my body needs.  Believe it or not u have to fuel your body with food to loose weight.  It's so strange going from living to eat, to now eating to live.  It's amazing how a positive perspective on food can make all the difference on being healthy.  I NEVER thought I would say I actually get sick of food!  I know CRAZY right!  Especially coming from someone who is severely overweight, and LOVED food!  It is true though, and that's what has now got me to the point of actually gaining a pound.

I'm not going to sugar coat things!  It is what it is.  I've gained a pound and now I've got to start from scratch and really pay attention to everything more closely.  I know mental stress plays a big role in weight loss as well.  I shared on yesterdays post, that I hit a mental plateau a week ago.  I guess I wasn't being completely honest with myself.  I think I'm still there in my mind and I've got to figure out how to get back on track.  I think I need to go from working out 3 to 4 times a week to maybe 2 times a day 4 days a week.  I know some are thinking ~ well maybe u gained muscle.  I asked myself that too, but don't want to use that as an excuse.  Instead I'm using it to be a reality check, and hit this weight loss with an even stronger desire!

I changed my shot up today from straight b12/lipo to b12/lip/hcg.  I'm really hoping this will help kick my metabolism into gear and help on my aggressive workouts and eating habits.  I do NOT lean to the shots to loose the weight for me.  I use it for a boost to what I'm already doing.  I have hypothyroidism and have noticed the b12 shot makes such a huge difference in my energy.  I think I will be going back to weekly weigh in's.  I seriously need the b12 shots DAILY, but they won't allow that....lol.  That sure would be cool to be as active as the energizer bunny ~ talk about loosing weight ;o) 
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

My NEW Passion in the Gym - ZUMBA

Yes u read it correctly!  My newest passion in the gym is the ZUMBA class!  I have a Huge passion for the gym anyway, but boy the Zumba class, puts a pep in my step!  I just recently found out my gym offers the Zumba class 4 times a week.  If u have no clue of what the Zumba is, I encourage u to look 1 up on youtube and watch it.  It is a very high intensity workout, but so much fun that that hour goes by super fast!

I go get my b12/liptropic shot tomorrow as well as do my weigh in.  Hoping for at least a couple of pounds, but I've gotten on the scale and been disappointed many a time.  I have been loosing the weight at a much slower pace than I would like, but I know it's a healthy rate to loose just a pound or two every other week.  Because I got so disappointed on the scale so often, I went from weighing in weekly to now every other week.

I will tell u Zumba is not the only thing I enjoy in the gym.  I enjoy all the weights including, the stationary cycle and the crunchmaster.  My newest challenge as far as equipment is the eliptical.  I have only managed to go 1 mile in 20 minutes on it...lol.  The biggest accomplishment by far, was on the stationary cycle.  On August 19, I did 6.7 miles in 43 minutes.  I literally felt like I needed to pinch myself when I was done.  I NEVER thought in a million years I would be ready for something like that, so soon into my weightloss journey.  To be honest I NEVER thought I would EVER do something like that!  I continue to amaze myself in the gym everytime I go for a workout.  I have to ask myself am I dreaming or am I really doing this!  I am up to 50 crunches on the crunchmaster and I do 4 reps of 10 each on each of the 10 pieces of gym equipment.  The most weight I can lift with my arms is 80pounds.  I know shocking right!?!

I will tell u I am starting to notice the physical changes as well now.  I have went down 2 pant sizes and 1 shirt size.  I treated myself to a haircut & color for my 25 pound weight loss 2 weeks ago.  I intend on treating myself every 25 pounds to something Non-Food.  I have decided the next 25 pound goal is to get my nails professionally done.  I have NEVER had them done and I'm looking forward to it.

I will tell u, I had a mental plateau last week, but now I'm heading into the gym stronger than ever.  I'm just in such a scary place, but the best place ever in my life.  Scary, because I'm really doing this and also because I feel the weight of so many looking up to me, and I don't want to disappoint.  I'm just continuing to do what I know to do. What I'm doing is making me healthier in body and mind!

Galatians 5:1
Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

Weight Loss to a Happier, Healthier Me

    I have been on a weight loss journey since May 12 of this year.  I have been going to a weight management clinic.  I am on a diabetic type of diet.  I get a b12/lipotropic/ shot ~ once a week, and weigh in.  I also have been working out in the gym at least 2 times a week and have increased that to 3 times a week as of this past week.  My starting weight was 291 1/2 pounds.  I am down 25 pounds to 267.  I am doing better than I have mentally and physically in a long time.

 I haven't always been overweight, but have realized that I have always had a food addiction.  I actually didn't realize I had a food addiction until a couple of years ago.  I always enjoyed food and turned to food for comfort, but was always active until I graduated and got married in the same year.  I slowly through the 18 years since graduating have packed on a total of 151 pounds.  I do have 4 kids, but can't blame the weight gain on them.  I actually maintained my weight during the pregnancies quite well.  I guess it helped that I was a gestational diabetic and had to be strict on what I ingested, and the fact u have a life that depends on u to do the right thing for it.  It has taken me years of self analyzing and a desire to want a better life to finally come to the healthy journey I'm at today. 

I battled many things through my childhood that led to my food addiction and many long years of unhappiness.  I endured physical, mental and sexual abuse.  I battled lack of trust and total unacceptance of myself, due to a mother that literally showed no love.  She wasn't showed it from her parents, and repeated the pattern.  The relationship or lack thereof with my mother has been the hardest thing by far to overcome.  I actually thought when she died that would somehow be the magic cure for my lifelong issues with depression, anger, distrust, guilt, self loathing, isolation from others, and food addiction.  Boy was I wrong!  Since her passing in 07, that actually brought me to the darkest pit in my life, but also led to the healthiest happiest place today.

   I'm finally able to say the little girl that once was deserves to grow into a beautiful, healthy women that can love herself and take each day as the blessing it is!  I have learned so many things in the last 6 months.  One key thing to a healthy future for me is ~ STOP dwelling on past pain!!!  It does nothing but damage my selfworth, and destroy the vessel God created me to be!  I also had to stop looking to people and things to fill my cup.  As long as we rely on others or material things for happiness, we can NEVER be happy.  Humans will fail u, and material things Don't last, so the only hope we have is Jesus!