Weight Loss to a Happier, Healthier Me

    I have been on a weight loss journey since May 12 of this year.  I have been going to a weight management clinic.  I am on a diabetic type of diet.  I get a b12/lipotropic/ shot ~ once a week, and weigh in.  I also have been working out in the gym at least 2 times a week and have increased that to 3 times a week as of this past week.  My starting weight was 291 1/2 pounds.  I am down 25 pounds to 267.  I am doing better than I have mentally and physically in a long time.

 I haven't always been overweight, but have realized that I have always had a food addiction.  I actually didn't realize I had a food addiction until a couple of years ago.  I always enjoyed food and turned to food for comfort, but was always active until I graduated and got married in the same year.  I slowly through the 18 years since graduating have packed on a total of 151 pounds.  I do have 4 kids, but can't blame the weight gain on them.  I actually maintained my weight during the pregnancies quite well.  I guess it helped that I was a gestational diabetic and had to be strict on what I ingested, and the fact u have a life that depends on u to do the right thing for it.  It has taken me years of self analyzing and a desire to want a better life to finally come to the healthy journey I'm at today. 

I battled many things through my childhood that led to my food addiction and many long years of unhappiness.  I endured physical, mental and sexual abuse.  I battled lack of trust and total unacceptance of myself, due to a mother that literally showed no love.  She wasn't showed it from her parents, and repeated the pattern.  The relationship or lack thereof with my mother has been the hardest thing by far to overcome.  I actually thought when she died that would somehow be the magic cure for my lifelong issues with depression, anger, distrust, guilt, self loathing, isolation from others, and food addiction.  Boy was I wrong!  Since her passing in 07, that actually brought me to the darkest pit in my life, but also led to the healthiest happiest place today.

   I'm finally able to say the little girl that once was deserves to grow into a beautiful, healthy women that can love herself and take each day as the blessing it is!  I have learned so many things in the last 6 months.  One key thing to a healthy future for me is ~ STOP dwelling on past pain!!!  It does nothing but damage my selfworth, and destroy the vessel God created me to be!  I also had to stop looking to people and things to fill my cup.  As long as we rely on others or material things for happiness, we can NEVER be happy.  Humans will fail u, and material things Don't last, so the only hope we have is Jesus!