Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Pain of the Past.....


Wow I have had a rough few days emotionally.  I recently had a situation bring me back to that crippling place of the mental abuse I suffered as a child.  It brought back all the bitterness & pain in a flood of emotions.  I found myself very angry and lashing out as well as in tears.  Part of my anger was realizing I hadn't completely gotten over all I endured.  I also wanted to be in denial that what angered me was not the situation, but the emotional state it put me in.  I thought I was past letting the things of the past cripple me.  It brought me back to the old person in me I hated, that allowed emotions to dictate her state of being.

I had my weigh in this a.m. that only compounded my emotionally raw state.  I found myself going into the weigh in with NO confidence at all, in having lost any weight.  Partly due to having hit the weights hard, but also having had such an emotional past few days.  For the 1st time since starting my weight loss, I found myself completely devastated on the scale.  As I saw the 2 pound weigh gain, I began to cry uncontrollably for the 1st time on the scale.  I just could NOT hold back.

Now comes the challenge!  I have to take all this raw emotion and figure out how to continue forward.

II Corinthians 4:17"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."  Psalm 37:17  "The righteous cry and the LORD hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles."

No comments:

Post a Comment