Taking the Road less Traveled......where change is gonna come.....

Where to begin........Well this last thursday's weigh in, made 3 bad weigh ins!  The 1st being no loss no gain, the 2nd gaining 2 pounds, and then the last week, being another 2 pound gain as well!  I have been battling myself more than anything else!  Look at it completely from my view.  I eat right, sacrifice time away from my family, and then turn around and go to the scale (the payoff, that shows me I'm doing a good job), just to see, something that in no way reflects everything I had done the previous week. I was doing 7 zumbas or more a week, as well as weights 2 times a week.  I put so much in my workouts, that at times I feel as though I could literally pass out.   

During those 3 weeks I had so many events happen, that I have been very overwhelmed, to say the least! These are the events that happened during this time. One of my older boys went to the doctor with a severe double ear infection (the eardrums were bulging)!  My husband, that has dealt with a bad tooth, for probably close to a year, had to have it pulled after it broke off, and he was in constant pain.  Then my youngest son was running on the playground at recess, and hit a rock with his foot.  That in turn broke 3 metatarsal bones in his foot!  All of this, going on, during the same time as learning to juggle my workouts around baseball & softball practices. If that wasn't enough, my husband decides to take on a project, of restoring an old cast iron skillet.  In the process gets cast iron, & specs of debris in both of his eyes.  He refused to go to the doctor, but instead wanted to take care of it himself.  I literally felt, that, had taken the last nerve I had left.

I have battled my emotions all my life!  Most people never see that, because I internalize.  I am basically in so many ways a prisoner to my own fears! I have been carrying around unbelievable guilt & self doubt!  I worry so much about judgement from others, it literally cripples my progress, I have made thus far!  I have been consumed with thoughts that have been very damaging emotionally for me these last 3 weeks.  I have worried what others must think, given the facts of my weigh ins, and time invested outside of my home.  I have worried I'm failing miserably not only at being a good wife, mom, and friend, but also at something I grew to feel real joy & freedom in - my workouts!  Let's face the facts,  people do judge, like it or not some just do.  The challenge is, realizing I can NOT live my life to please everyone else.  I have to be true to me!  The one I need to please is Jesus Christ 1st and my family 2nd!  If my God, husband & kids are good with what I'm doing, then that is enough!  Who is to stand in judgement of me, and what is best for me?  I can NOT fall trap to that type of thinking! The need to please -  Look where it had literally gotten me over the years.  Into a VERY sad, angry, lonely, bitter, depressed individual just to name a few!  I do not EVER want to return to that person I once was.

I noticed a post recently going around the web.  Here is it posted below. 

The one you called fat? She has been starving herself and has lost over 30 pounds. The one you called stupid? She has a learning disability and studies over four hours a night. The one you called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The one you tripped? She is abused at home. There's a lot more to people than you think.

It provoked thought.  It got me to thinking & reflecting on how true the overall message is.  We don't know what someone else is carrying around inside.  What has damaged their core!   I am 1 of those kids, that in school, was carrying so much, unbelievable pain around! I just was so afraid -  You know, the thought, if they really knew me or knew what I was going through they wouldn't accept me.


I do not share all of this, to gain pity from anyone.  I want my journey to be shared in it's honesty!  These are all real emotions that I'm going through. My journey has been very hard!  I have shed many tears over how hard it has been and in some ways continues to be.  I have to remind myself we don't get a rainbow without the rain, or a rose without thorns.  Life is going to be tough!  Hard work always pays off, even if results aren't seen right away.  A victory is appreciated so much more, when it is earned with hard work & dedication.  I have changed so much inside, that I cannot allow everyday circumstances to take that from me.   I was recently asked how do u feel when u miss your zumba or your workout?  How do u feel if u go?  These were both asked due to the guilt of time taken away from my family, I was feeling.  The answers were easy.  I am upset if I miss and very exhilarated if I go.  The response I got back was "that is what u need to think about".  Your a better wife, mom & friend, when u do take that time.  Don't look at it like a negative sacrifice, but rather a very beneficial 1.  I'm not only helping myself in body & mind, but my relationships are so much healthier.  I have realized that when we are not happy with ourselves, we are going to be less satisfied with people & circumstances around us. 

Romans 12:2     
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
I wanted to say to all my friends - Words really can never express my gratitude for your continual encouragement, love & prayers through this journey!   

  I am choosing - The Road less Traveled....because I know a change is gonna come.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHa096VQ8FE