Balancing the Chaos & Finding the peace within.....

In the last journal post, my weigh in's were not going that well.  I started getting feedback from friends and started realizing that they were right, I had gotten into a routine not only with my workouts, but food as well.  So not only did I change my working out for that week, but also the foods I ate.  I had my weigh in on that following thursday - March 17th.  I must say it was 1 of my better weigh in's.  I lost 5 pounds!  I was beyond excited, even ready to jump out of my skin.  I had changed it up by walking 1 mile every day for like 4 days.  I cut out my zumba's, but continued doing weights.  It just totally shocked me that changing up my routine helped that much.  I'm not gonna lie, it was very hard to change what I ate, because I had grown quite fond of some of the foods I was eating.  It was even harder cutting out zumba's for that week, but I am serious about this weight loss though, and I'm willing to do what it takes to loose it the healthy way!

Wow - have I had a full plate, since I last journaled!  Trying to figure out where on earth to begin, without my thoughts being all over the place.  I have 3 of my kids actively involved in sports at this time, so working in my workouts have been a challenge to say the least!  If that wasn't challenging enough, my husband started umpiring.  Keep in mind this is all being done with 1 me & 1 vehicle!  Going back to the end of last week, I slipped away for a 3 day ladies retreat.  It was much needed!  It was a time of much reflection, sharing, stepping back and taking in all God had for my heart and mind.  Leading into that retreat, I was physically as well as mentally exhausted!  I even had 2nd thoughts about going, due to the guilt, I so often  hold onto.  The guilt that is NOT mine!  One thing I have learned since starting this weight loss journey 10 months ago, is to take time for me, even in those times of feeling guilty.  I have to remind myself of the renewing inside I get from taking that time to refresh, refocus, & regain the inner strength, to push through the rough times.  I have learned, that if my mental strength is depleted, I will have NO physical strength to push through.  At the ladies retreat, after each lesson, we had a time of quiet reflection & journaling.  We could go anywhere we chose to.  This picture is the spot I went to.  I'm going to put some of what I wrote at friday a.m.'s reflection time. 

"As I sit by the wisteria vine, I reflect on my thoughts & words.  Have I used my words to heal or wound?  God please help me to have a filter.  I cannot allow the negativity to reflect, but rather you in me.  I feel like I am so quick at times to allow the challenges in my life to weigh heavy on me.  I allow the problems I encounter to have victory!  Help me to open my eyes & heart to what u have for me." Our lesson was over the tongue & the power it holds.

"For the Lord your God is going with you!
He will fight for you against your enemies, and he will give you victory!’"
Deuteronomy 20:4 

I felt almost defeated going into the retreat due to life's chaos.  I had lost focus and my inner peace had been shifted.  Sitting by the wisteria.  It just put me in awe, to see, smell, & feel God's creation.  I  was nestled in 100 acres of beauty.  As I sat there, I smelled the amazing aroma of the flower vine,  felt the light breeze, & just saw the beauty before me.  I began to reflect on just how much I wanted that for my mind.  As if there was not a care in the world.  That God had it all in his hands, and there was nothing to worry about.  The peace that only God can give.  The calm, even in the midst of a storm.


"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31