Well, it's been awhile since my last journal post! I have so many things going on in my mind, I'm hoping I'm able to get them all down on here. Well today was the 1st weigh in & b12 shot I've gotten in 3 weeks! I was not confident going into the weigh in. I felt like I had gained weight, but felt like I had lost inches. Well my fear came true, matter of fact I gained the most I ever have on the scale this weigh in! I gained a total of 3 1/2 pounds, the same amount I had lost the last weigh in I went to! I was upset about that, but was looking forward to the measuring! I LOST 1 1/2 inches in my hips! I was so excited! The last time I was measured was exactly 1 month ago! That 1 1/2 inches came off, just doing zumba! I did a few weights here and there and of course my crunches, but did not get in, on much of the cardio equipment in the gym this time!
I have been dealing with several days in a row of migraines, as well as loads of stress & my mind being completely weighed down with things that have happened in my past! I have had my mom & dad on my mind alot! As most of u know that have been following my journal posts, I had an abusive past. I have had actual past events pop in my mind over the last several weeks, but especially the last several days. I'm not really sure why these things have been going through my mind, other than having different situations happen with my kids, that make me be a tougher parent than I like. I want so much to be the opposite of how my mother was. I'm not saying my mom was completely bad at all, I just have such high standards of the kind of mother I want to be, that I actually doom myself to failure before my day even begins. This is something that has plagued me and the newest hurdle for me to try to heal from and move past! I had a couple of eye opening things happen last night, that I believe have helped me refocus to more positive thinking. I went to church last night and part of the sermon was about how easy it is to praise God in the sunshine, but how often times we find it very challenging to praise him in the storms of life. I was like wow ~ God had me there in that moment to hear those words! Then if that wasn't enough, I came home and watched the last 1/2 of Rocky III. Talk about a double dose of eye opening things to apply to my life. Rocky for the 1st time in his life had to face his fear. At 1st he tried to bottle it and deny he had anything wrong, but Adrian made him realize something was wrong. He then finally voiced to her, that yes, he was afraid and discussed his fears with her. That was the life changing moment for him to face his fears, push past them and become the Champion he was born to be! Talk about a WOWZER moment for me. I starting thinking about how 1 of the things my mom never did, that I am actually doing is facing the painful past I had and leaving it where it belongs in the past. Yes I have to face the issues, no matter how painful, but I have to face them, deal with them and push forward on the healthy journey I began 9 months ago. No matter how painful, I CANNOT live in the past! My mom, I can remember all the way up to her passing, lived, and dwelled on her past pains. She wasn't able to forgive, and heal, and for the record, she had a very painful childhood herself. We cannot change our past, and actually we are wasting our life away, if we allow that to control our future! I've been carrying around for the last several weeks baggage that it is time to let go of. I try to carry around so much guilt, that is not mine to bear! I cannot be consumed with such damaging thoughts. I proved on the scale today, that it is a negative, that I need to let go of. The Key to getting through life's Storms is realizing we will have trials. Learning to push through & then get past them, is the biggest challenge. We all have a Champion inside of us! STOP limiting yourself or allowing others to limit u, carry the pain of the past NO more! Be all you were born to be! Here are some scripture that I hope u find as encouraging as I do, when your going through the storms of life!
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. Psalm 46:1-3,7
‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10
Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22
The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him. Nahum 1:7
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Isaiah 26:3
This is a song I was listening to on the way home from zumba tonight, that I never really listened to the words until tonight! Some of the words really moved me, and I began to cry as I heard the words. I'm posting it below.
Three Days Grace- World So Cold Lyrics
I never thought
I’d feel this
Guilty and I’m
Broken down inside
Living with myself
Nothing but lies
I always thought
I’d make it
But never knew I’d
Let it get so bad
Living with myself
Is all I have
I feel numb
I can’t come to life
I feel like
I’m frozen in time
Living in a
World so cold
Wasted away
Living in a shell
With no soul
Since you’ve gone away
Living in a world so cold
Counting the days
Since you’ve gone away
Do you ever feel me
Do you ever look
Deep down inside
Staring at yourself
Paralyzed
I feel numb
I can’t come to life
I feel like
I’m frozen in time
Living in a
World so cold
Wasted away
Living in a shell
With no soul
Since you’ve gone away
Living in a world so cold
Counting the days
Since you’ve gone away
You’ve gone away from me
I’m too young
To lose my soul
I’m too young
To feel this old
So long
I’m left behind
I feel like
I’m losing my mind
Do you ever feel me
Do you ever look
Deep down inside
Staring at your life
Paralyzed
Living in a
World so cold
Wasted away
Living in a shell
With no soul
Since you’ve gone away
Living in a world so cold
Counting the days
Since you’ve gone away
I’m too young [x2]
