Where to begin.....Well I have not lost any weight in over 3 weeks. On November 18th I had no loss no gain. On November 24th gained a pound. On December 2nd no loss or gain, but on that visit I actually had an appointment and discussed my concerns. I explained that I drink lots of water and just occasional tea. That I eat very healthy, and workout in the gym at least 6 times a week, which includes 5 to 6 Zumba classes a week. I did explain I've had some normal emotional upset, that I'm trying to process. She thought that it was probably my thryoid out of sinc. She also suggested me adding something with my B12 shot called slim. It is a fat burner, with lots of extra b vitamins. She ordered a TSH as well. The last one I had done was on August 2nd. The level was the best it had ever been, without being too low. The TSH was .63. I got my results from the test that was just ran and found out it was too low. The TSH was .06. So I'm going from 200 mcg of levothyroxine to 150 mcg. My 1st pill of the new dose was today. Please say a little prayer for me that my thryoid will stay within the normal range and not go to high again.
As I had mentioned earlier, I have been dealing with several emotional issues. One being the fact I haven't lost any weight in almost a month, but in fact gained a pound. I'm also frustrated with my body physically getting in the way in the gym. You are probably wondering what on earth I'm talking about. It's something I don't mention often, but that I have dealt with chronically throughout this weight loss journey ~ PAIN! I deal with pain 24 hrs. 7 days a week. I don't really feel the pain until I stop and sit, & especially when I lay down at night! I'm noticing a few problem areas. One in particular is my lower back, but a few others are my knees and feet! I will not and can't let the pain in my body slow me down! I really push myself to a limit beyond what I think I can handle. I try to leave it all in the gym, leaving knowing I couldn't give it one more ounce of energy! That's what has been so hard about not loosing any weight for almost a month. When u give it every possible ounce of your being and then some, as well as eating right, it is very frustrating to see no results on the scale. I'm constantly reminding myself about the post I wrote on the rewards beyond the scale, and that is obviously what has kept me going. I know I'm not on a journey just of weight loss, but life change!
Due to the pain I deal with in my lower back, I cannot do any jumping in the Zumba classes! I got so frustrated tonight in my Zumba class, that I actually left out and didn't finish! I really had a melt down! I want so badly to be able to do exactly what the instructor does, that when I realize, that is not completely possible right now, I actually get angry at my ownself! I get frustrated that I allowed myself to get to this point, that my body literally is holding me back. I know I did not gain all this weight overnight and it will take time to get the rest of the weight off. I'm just trying to figure out why on earth I couldn't see what everyone else sees. Why I let myself get so self destructive! I guess because I've had such a healthy mind transformation, I just can't grasp why I didn't see my potential back then. I still struggle seeing it now at times. I know that quitting will NEVER be an option! I've started something I completely intend to not only finish, but continue giving 100%.
A sweet new friend I've met in Zumba made a point to find me after Zumba class. See, I did not leave the gym when I walked out of the class! I actually went and did my 50 crunches, and did some weight equipment. This dear friend shared some very needed words of wisdom & encouragement. The 1st thing she said was she did not want me quitting! I laughed and let her know that is not an option. She then let me know, something I had no idea of. That there are many women in my Zumba class that have made it clear to her, that they are inspired by me. When they don't feel like they can do anymore they look at me and say if she can, so can I. I guess it has alot to do with me being the biggest in the class. I'm sure they realize the more weight u sling around in the class the harder it physically has to be. They are so right, but I never show it! For the moves I can do, I give it my all. The ones I still can't do, I improvise and continue plugging along!
I have not lost my passion for the gym by any means! I absolutely still love to workout! I just am frustrated with my physical limitations. I know it's only a matter of time I will be able to look back and say WOW u really worked through it and look what u can do now. I also realize I have came a very long way! I have to remind myself frequently to embrace the accomplishments thus far! Seems like it has been a long time, but when u sit and look at it - 7 months and 35 pounds lighter (due to the 1 pound gain), is a pretty cool accomplishement! I really hope I haven't let anyone down. I am human, so I will have bumps along the road! I just can't allow it to be a complete road block, but rather a time to reflect and continue pushing through!
Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,
